Surviving Thanksgiving as Co-Parents: A Family Lawyer’s Guide to Keeping the Peace

Thanksgiving can be one of the hardest holidays for divorced or separated families. Expectations are high, emotions run deep, and extended family members often have strong opinions about what should happen. If you share parenting time with an ex, the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving can be stressful and sometimes the day itself doesn’t go as planned.

As family law attorneys that work with parents across Northern Illinois, we see the same themes every year. Here are some practical strategies to help you get through Thanksgiving with less conflict and more clarity.

1. Stick to the Parenting Plan — Even If It’s Inconvenient

Absent very strong justification, Judges expect parents to follow the court order, even when it means missing traditions or adjusting long-standing family routines. If your plan says one parent has Thanksgiving this year, that’s what controls, unless you and the other parent reach an alternate agreement (and be sure to memorialize it in writing via text, email, or some other written communication).

If the agreement is unclear or the schedule no longer makes sense, Thanksgiving often exposes those cracks. If you’re running into problems now, it may be time to reassess the plan before the holiday hits.

2. Plan Ahead and Communicate Early

Last-minute changes almost always lead to conflict. A quick message like,

“Confirming Thanksgiving Day timing — I will pick up at 10 a.m. and return at 6 p.m.,”

can prevent arguments later. If your ex refuses to confirm or tries to change plans without agreement, keep all communication through text, email, or a parenting application. Documentation matters!

3. Don’t Let Extended Family Escalate Things

Parents often get pulled into pressure from relatives: “Why can’t we have the kids this year?” “Why do you let your ex push you around?”

Extended family doesn’t always understand the legal realities you’re navigating. Protect your peace by setting boundaries early:

“We’re following the court order this year. Thank you for understanding.”

4. Focus on the Kids’ Experience, Not Winning the Holiday

Kids remember tone, not timing. A peaceful, drama-free Thanksgiving — even if it isn’t exactly what you envisioned — matters more than a perfect meal or perfect schedule. Make your time meaningful, even if it’s shorter or shifted.

If the other parent tries to turn the holiday into a power struggle, staying steady and neutral protects your children and your position in future court issues.

5. When Plans Fall Apart

Sometimes Thanksgiving goes sideways:

• A parent refuses to follow the plan

• Pickup or drop-off turns into an argument

• Someone shows up late or not at all

• Kids get caught in the middle

• Extended family starts causing trouble
  

If you deal with chaos this Thanksgiving, it’s not too late to make changes for Christmas or winter break — but you’ll want to act quickly.

6. When to Consider Legal Action

You may need legal help if:

• Your ex refuses to follow the parenting plan

• There’s a dispute about Thanksgiving or winter break that you can’t resolve

• The kids are showing stress due to conflict

• Communication keeps breaking down

• Extended family interference becomes habitual
  

These are clear signs the parenting plan may need changes or clarification. A short consultation can help you understand your options, from filing a motion to clarifying exchanges to modifying the holiday schedule entirely.

7. You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a holiday about gratitude, connection, and family. If you’re worrying more about conflict than celebration, we can help.

Simmons Law, LLC assists parents with:

• Parenting time disputes

• Holiday and vacation scheduling

• Modifications to outdated parenting plans

• Emergency issues that arise around the holidays

A 30-minute consultation can give you clarity, a plan, and peace of mind before December hits.

We also offer mediation services, which can be a less stressful alternative to the court process, and one we highly recommend for low to medium conflict cases.

Call our office or message us online to schedule.

At Simmons Law, LLC, we help parents create parenting plans that actually work — and step in quickly when they don’t. Reach out for a consultation so you can focus on what matters most: a peaceful, joyful holiday with your kids. If you want to learn more, call now to schedule a consultation or schedule through our website.

Disclaimer: This information is provided for general informational purposes only, and may not reflect the current law in your jurisdiction. It should not be construed as legal advice nor is it a substitute for legal counsel. You should not act or refrain from acting on the basis of any information provided in this post without seeking appropriate legal or other professional advice from a lawyer licensed in your state, country, or other jurisdiction.

At Simmons Law, LLC, we are Rockford family law attorneys serving Winnebago, Boone, Ogle, Stephenson, and McHenry Counties. Contact us today at (815) 570-9662.